In my most ideal life, I'd

1. be a manager
• of a Premier League football team.
2. be a hooligan,
• a local at any one of the English football clubs, know all the songs, and travel with the team.
3. bat, chew gum and not wear a helmet,
• like Vivian Richards.
4. get cast as the youngest son. 
• Michael Corleone.
5. not be named Kuntal.
• Bond, James Bond.
6. like mushy tomatoes, 
• but only when avoiding bulls in La Tomatina in Buñol.
7. have a milk mustache
• and live on a quiet farm in the Italian Alps.
8. run
• and bike and swim like a triathlete.
9. work remotely
• on clever things on an Apple laptop.
10. fight injustice 
• by telling bullies over the phone "you'll hear from my lawyer."
11. have no quiet celebrations
• and do dandiya on every Indian festival.
12. say "kai po chhe" every Sankrant,
• when flying a kite strung with glass-covered manja.
13. be witty
• and get published in The New Yorker as a short story writer.
14. be a purveyor of fine writing instruments
• and write cursive as neatly as my dad would, with a smooth Hero fountain pen.